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You must read this aloud (for the full effect). Just say any unfamiliar words phonetically. It's amazing, you will understand what 'tendjewberrymud' means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for best email of 1999.The following is a telephone conversation between a hotel Guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia. The call was recorded and later published in the Far East Economic Review.Here goes.... Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees" Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service" RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??" G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs" RS: "Ow July den?" G: "What??" RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?" G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please." RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS : "Hokay. An San tos?" G: "What?" RS:"San tos. July San tos?" G: "I don't think so" RS: "No? Judo one toes??" G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means." RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow inglish mopping we bother?" G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine RS: "We bother?" G: "No...just put the bother on the side." RS: "Wad?" G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side." RS: "Copy?" G: "Sorry?" RS: "Copy...tea...mill?" G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all." RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache,crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??" G: "Whatever you say" RS: "Tendjewberrymud" G: "You're welcome" A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the closet, with the little boy.The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it." Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$25.00" In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are again in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball mitt." The lover remembering the last time asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "$75.00" Man - "Fine." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth." The boy says, "I can't,I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" Boy "$100.00" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.That's way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that shit again." "Hello" Says a little girl's voice on the phone. "Hi, honey, it's Daddy," Says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?" "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank." After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!" "Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!" "Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house." "Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy." "And what happened?" "Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and fell down the stairs and she's just lying there. Her neck is at a funny angle. I think she's dead." "Oh my god... And what about Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must haveforgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and is just lying there, not moving. He may be dead too." There is a long pause, then Bob says, "Swimming pool? - Is this 854-7039?" This is a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring system in the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired however he is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for termination without cause. Actual dialogue of a former Word Perfect Customer Support employee. Now I know why they record these conversations... Ridge Hall computer assistance may I help you? >Yes well.. I'm having trouble with Word Perfect What sort of trouble? >Well I was just typing along and all of sudden the words went away Went away? >They disappeared Hmm. So what does your screen look like now? >Nothing Nothing? >It's blank it won't accept anything when I type Are you still in Word Perfect or did you get out? >How do I tell ? Can you see the C prompt on the screen? >What's a sea-prompt? Never mind. Can you move your cursor around the screen? >There isn't any cursor I told you it won't accept anything I type Does your monitor have a power indicator? >What's a monitor? It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on? >I don't know Well then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that? >Yes I think so Great. Follow the cord to the plug and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. >Yes it is When you were behind the monitor did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it not just one? > No Well there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable > Okay here it is Follow it for me and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer >I can't reach.. Uh huh Well can you see if it is... >No Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over? > Oh it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark Dark? >Yes -the office light is off and the only light I have is coming in from the window Well turn on the office light then... >I can't No? Why not? >Because there's a power failure A power.. A power failure. Aha..... Okay we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in? >Well yes I keep them in the closet Good. Go get them and unplug your system and packit up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from > Really? Is it that bad? Yes I'm afraid it is. Well all right then I suppose .. >What do I tell them? Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer
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letzte Änderung: 11.04.02 16:00:46 Stefan Kriebels Homepage |